Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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