I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
