So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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