I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
