I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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