he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
