I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
