You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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