Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
