we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
