I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
