The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
