i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
