Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
