Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
