He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
