You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
