Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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