i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
