What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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