Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
