wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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