We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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