So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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