I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
