I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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