i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
