I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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