Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
