Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
