Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
