I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
did i walk over a car last night?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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