Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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