do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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