What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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