I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
