why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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