He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
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then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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