I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My life is pants optional.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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