so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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