They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
