I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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