dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
