I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize