Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
