Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
