I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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