The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
