it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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