i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
