2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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