I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
