her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
