It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
