How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
