1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
