so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize