there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
