i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
