Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Someone came in the potted fern
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
