Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
