we're blogging at a bar
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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