It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
